I feel proud of myself, I feel empowered, I feel alive.
Things aren’t perfect. I’m not on some kind of natural high or anything-In fact in general things are fairly mediocre. The remarkable thing is that I feel ok about it. I don’t feel like an anchor is around my leg dragging me down. That in itself feels amazing.
I’m also glad I’m feeling. Not suppressing feelings with alcohol. I’m more open, more eager, still fearful and clumsy- but not so bad.
I had a great visit with my dad. It’s not always so great… I grew up with him in a very alcoholic- dysfunction family. I am always guarded, waiting for a “blow up”. But it was very pleasant and I felt some walls come down.
I dreamt again about “accidentally” having a glass of wine and blowing my alcohol free status. It’s been a week now and it seems like forever, like I don’t have an issue and could easily drink “normally”. IT’S A LIE! I know it but the lie is down below the surface, lurking for it’s time to pounce on me and win the silent battle. That’s the fear in my dream, it will accidentally happen like that. So I must be strong and kill that lie or always have my guard up. Any thoughts on this????
I watched another couple You Tube videos on being alcohol free. I can always relate and feel empowered.
I’m gonna add one positive thing about not drinking and one negative thing from when I was drinking to my strategy each day to keep it real.
Alcohol free has given me less anxiety, actually none yet. When I was drinking I woke up with anxiety or was quick to get anxious. It was a constant struggle.
Girls going away party for friend. Will stick with water and pizza.
I’ve read many other alcohol free blogs and watched alcohol free You Tube videos. It’s so fantastic to have this content at my fingertips to inspire and motivate me!
I don’t know why but I was compelled to blog about my journey. Maybe just to get it out in the open and be able to connect to others that could relate.
In any case, I have no idea what I’m doing. I’m just doing it and at the same time staying alcohol free.
It’s not quite a week yet. I haven’t had any cravings for alcohol. I’ve dreamt about accidentally drinking and ruining my alcohol free state, that’s seems like an obvious subconscious fear manifesting.
I can say that I feel really good, proud of myself, more alive.
I am concerned about how to be alcohol free when almost everything I do is around alcohol. Get together with friends are almost always at a brewery. Upcoming Patio time is also always at a brewery or bar setting. Summer festivals spent drinking….you guessed it Beer! And plenty of it.
I truly enjoy the atmosphere at breweries and festivals -so now I will devise a plan for me to enjoy it with my glass of water, lemonade, soda and tonic, or maybe a kombucha at those breweries that brew there own.
A picture of a heart shaped cactus on a hike. I love this, I feel like I am the cactus-A protected heart. Part of why I’ve hidden behind booze.
Last night I went to girls night and didn’t find confidence and alcohol. I was just myself with a few uncomfortable moments where I felt inadequate but mostly I was myself and enjoyed the company of my girlfriends.
Game of thrones binging (remember I’m on crutches and can’t do much)
Research diet for autoimmune disease for my daughter who has Hashimoto’s