Not another manic Monday

No anxiety, no disappointment, no regret.

I feel proud of myself, I feel empowered, I feel alive.

Things aren’t perfect. I’m not on some kind of natural high or anything-In fact in general things are fairly mediocre. The remarkable thing is that I feel ok about it. I don’t feel like an anchor is around my leg dragging me down. That in itself feels amazing.

Feelin’ Friday

It’s been a week! So glad it’s Friday.

I’m also glad I’m feeling. Not suppressing feelings with alcohol. I’m more open, more eager, still fearful and clumsy- but not so bad.

I had a great visit with my dad. It’s not always so great… I grew up with him in a very alcoholic- dysfunction family. I am always guarded, waiting for a “blow up”. But it was very pleasant and I felt some walls come down.

Keeping vigilant watch over my booze free life

I dreamt again about “accidentally” having a glass of wine and blowing my alcohol free status. It’s been a week now and it seems like forever, like I don’t have an issue and could easily drink “normally”. IT’S A LIE! I know it but the lie is down below the surface, lurking for it’s time to pounce on me and win the silent battle. That’s the fear in my dream, it will accidentally happen like that. So I must be strong and kill that lie or always have my guard up. Any thoughts on this????

I watched another couple You Tube videos on being alcohol free. I can always relate and feel empowered.

I’m gonna add one positive thing about not drinking and one negative thing from when I was drinking to my strategy each day to keep it real.

Today’s strategy…

Alcohol free has given me less anxiety, actually none yet. When I was drinking I woke up with anxiety or was quick to get anxious. It was a constant struggle.

  • Girls going away party for friend. Will stick with water and pizza.
  • Time the hubby at home
  • Bed

Good morning sunshine!

Yep, I’m feeling wide eyed and bushy tailed.

Everything seems so much better! Now I’m not quite a week yet without booze but so far, so good.

I did dream again of drinking a margarita “on accident” and ruining my alcohol free streak, so clearly I have fear. Which is good, it should keep me on task and away from drinking.

I’ve lost a couple pounds already and that feels fantastic.

Each morning I still watch an alcohol free video or two. All have communicated a better life from not drinking! So the proof is in the pudding I believe. (Guess it’s my day for corny sayings)

Each morning I also have a strategy. It doesn’t always play out as set, but it’s a plan and that seems to keep me on track.

Today’s strategy ( it is really the evening’s plan since that’s when I want to drink)

  • Get dog from Camp
  • Go to club (my gym has a bar!) for social time and have soda/tonic and dinner (this is a biggy because it’s a usual drinking place with drinking buddies)
  • Home, Telly, bed

Feeling liberated!

I’ve read many other alcohol free blogs and watched alcohol free You Tube videos. It’s so fantastic to have this content at my fingertips to inspire and motivate me!

I don’t know why but I was compelled to blog about my journey. Maybe just to get it out in the open and be able to connect to others that could relate.

In any case, I have no idea what I’m doing. I’m just doing it and at the same time staying alcohol free.

It’s not quite a week yet. I haven’t had any cravings for alcohol. I’ve dreamt about accidentally drinking and ruining my alcohol free state, that’s seems like an obvious subconscious fear manifesting.

I can say that I feel really good, proud of myself, more alive.

I am concerned about how to be alcohol free when almost everything I do is around alcohol. Get together with friends are almost always at a brewery. Upcoming Patio time is also always at a brewery or bar setting. Summer festivals spent drinking….you guessed it Beer! And plenty of it.

I truly enjoy the atmosphere at breweries and festivals -so now I will devise a plan for me to enjoy it with my glass of water, lemonade, soda and tonic, or maybe a kombucha at those breweries that brew there own.

A picture of a heart shaped cactus on a hike. I love this, I feel like I am the cactus-A protected heart. Part of why I’ve hidden behind booze.

Last night I went to girls night and didn’t find confidence and alcohol. I was just myself with a few uncomfortable moments where I felt inadequate but mostly I was myself and enjoyed the company of my girlfriends.

Today’s strategy



Game of thrones binging (remember I’m on crutches and can’t do much)

Research diet for autoimmune disease for my daughter who has Hashimoto’s