Another new beginning.

I tossed my crutches and feel free! Along with that I tossed my commitment to the Whole30 and not drinking. I lost my hold! It turns out my crutches were the crutch that kept me in line as a whole. Now, I didn’t get wasted and I didn’t eat my way out of a bag of chips or a box of donuts. I was awkwardly mindful of what I was doing. I had a couple drinks out and I was aware of that little demon that cries for more, more, more. I ate healthy with no restrictions and had ice cream! Not so bad.

What I observed was that I didn’t need to drink. It didn’t do anything for me except put me to sleep earlier than usual. I didn’t like the way it made me feel; a bit sleepy at first, then the need to keep on drinking, then wanting to eat junk food and then sleepy time. So, I am going abstain again- back to a 90 day goal to start.

The Whole30 was working well, but like I had said before I wasn’t being 100%. So I will start again in May and do with my daughter who has Hashimoto’s, which is my main goal of this Whole30 journey- to help her eliminate foods that might be causing issues with her autoimmune disease.

Now that I’m mobile again I have to get a new routine. Back to walking the dog each morning, doing housework, finding an exercise routine, getting out without alcohol and junk food being the focus. I almost miss being down, there was a purpose to it. What’s my purpose now? There so many options, so much I can do. I feel anxious and lost.

Another new beginning….

April Showers bring Snow Plowers

I totally took that from my daughter! Yesterday was almost 80, today we are expecting a blizzard!

This reminds me of my life lately-up and then down, happy then sad, hot and then cold. Or…..now that I think about it, isn’t that just life? I mean I’m not turning on a dime or doing a Jekyll and Hyde. I guess I’m just flowing like the waves on a beach, changing like the weather. Alright, good! I’m ok, you’re ok.

So it’s been over 3 weeks since I’ve quit alcohol and it’s my second week of the Whole30. I’ve been 100% booze free (unless you count the Kombucha which has a scant trace) Full disclosure, I haven’t been 100% with the Whole30, more like 98%. I’ve had a few scant amounts of sugar (The Kombucha isn’t on plan- is has sugar- but I needed digestive aide), I’ve used the dressing and little tortilla strips in the pre-packaged salads. I feel like I’m giving it a solid, respectable effort- but it’s not the perfection that is called for in the protocol.

That being said, I still feel like a million bucks physically! I did weigh myself (that’s a no-no too) and was down 5 pounds. I don’t really have cravings or get too hungry, just a few temptations here and there. No fatigue which I often battled daily. My hair looks so much more healthy and full of body. I am less depressed and anxious.

Not turning to alcohol for every little thing has been amazing. I am more productive! I am proud of myself! I have been hiding a bit at home, partly because of the crutches (yep, had to get that in-damn things) so it’s made it a bit easier. But I’m also not having a ton of fun. I’m a social person and will get out there more soon, however I feel like withdrawing a bit for reflection has been a positive mindful experience, even though it feels quite awkward. (See what I did there….awkward mindfulness)

What are you going through lately that reminds you of changing weather? Or makes you feel like you are being clumsy with a purpose? Inquiring minds want to know!

Successful spring weekend!

I didn’t drink, I stuck to the Whole30, and I got out in the Spring Sun!

Yeehaw!

I was sooooooo tempted to go off plan. I went to a brewery (love my patio time.) Had my seltzer while my hubby had a couple beers. The smell of hops was strong, but it wasn’t too bad to stay away. I enjoyed time more than usual, because I was present. I was observing, feeling, soaking it all in.

The off to another brewery to meet family. I couldn’t eat or drink anything there. That was a bit more challenging, but again not terrible.

The hardest time I had was avoiding a bag of delicious chips from Trader Joe’s. I had some before I started the Whole30 and they were incredible, limey tartness with a hit of spicy chipotle. I was so, so close to just have a couple. But NO! I prevailed! I am a super hero!!!!

I watched family and friends enjoy pickle ball in the park (I’m sidelined due to the crutches-ugh-whine, whine.) Beautiful Spring day. I brought my coffee, water and Naked Mighty Mango and had no care about the beers in the cooler.

After all I am headache free, fatigue free, and feeling pretty groovy. So where’s the motivation to do anything differently?

I’m going to go without the daily strategy for a few days and see how that feels. I have an overall strategy that seems to be working.

  • Stick to Whole30
  • Plan meals and snacks
  • Be present, observe, feel

The grass IS greener

Seriously, spring is here and all of a sudden the grass is green! I love seeing it!

I also feel greener, more like alive compared to yesterday. I started out feeling so down. Faked it, until I did Make it.

Interestingly, feeling good made me want to celebrate. Beers on the patio somewhere! I didn’t but I was on the edge- the biggest draw I’ve had to drink since I gave it up.

I was going to try a patio this afternoon (with a water) but it’s looks like it might rain. So we’ll see.

Today’s strategy

I’ve lost a few pounds not drinking. When drinking I often got a bit puffy in the morning-not a good look.

  • Get out for a bit for a bite to eat
  • Relax
  • Be ok with being boring right now.

I feel like winter. I want to feel like spring.

My blahs haven’t improved. It’s been a boring, mundane, challenging week. Still haven’t touched a drop of alcohol-and I’m so glad for that. But in general I think I’m just avoiding everything and staying to myself. Yes, it has a lot to do with my damn crutches. And yes, I will keep whining about them until they are gone. What I won’t do is drink my sorrow away. That in itself is worth the crappy week.

I’m sharing this not to complain or not to discourage anyone who has also chosen not to drink. But rather to show the reality. Last week everything was shiny and rosy- and when I shared I wondered if it would come across as B.S. “I stopped drinking and now I’m so happy, and it’s been so easy.” If it were that easy and happy – then why hadn’t I done it before, all the other times I planned to stop? It is how I felt, but I knew it wouldn’t last. Life isn’t all joy all the time. Why should this journey reflect anything differently.

I don’t think the real temptations and challenges have happened yet. Yes, taking the first step to put down the bottle and admit that alcohol was a problem in my life is HUGE, and I am proud of myself. I just want to be realistic and be prepared. “Plan for the worst, expect the best”

Today’s strategy

No anxiety this morning from not drinking. Drinking would have made my low mood today, so much worse!

  • Pull myself up from my britches and put on foot in front of the other
  • Fake it til I make it
  • Get out tonight-no sitting around watching TV. (Ok, that’s to vague)
  • ……..Dinner out-somewhere with a patio

It feels like Spring, but no Patio Beers?

I love patio time and it usually starts with beers. I’m not craving beer in itself, but the activity of the patio time. So now what will I occupy my time with on the patio? Food truck food? Bring my own tasty non alcoholic beverage. Drink water. Well, why not? Totally doable. I now I won’t need a nap afterwards, and greasy food to soak up the booze.

I’m not in the best of moods lately, but’s not because I’m not drinking. It’s because moods come and go. It’s because I’m still on theses stupid crutches and stuck sitting around. I used to improve my mood with drinks, which did usually do the trick while I was drinking but ended up with me going to bed super early and causing delayed anxiety for the feelings I didn’t let come out. I’m glad to to have that roller coaster.

I have noticed less headaches and less fatigue which is awesome.

Today’s strategy

Appreciate the mundane that will endure from lack of short lived alcohol altering affects. Remember the consequences of drinking away boredom!

  • Get herbal tea for tasty patio iced tea
  • Allow myself to be mundane, bored, unexcited
  • Make a nice dinner

Daily grind

I’m not drinking. I’m not so thrilled about work. I’m not too excited about anything. I just want to sit here in my living room and be cozy.

I’m over these freaking crutches. My shoulders are in pain from overdoing on Sunday. I just can’t face crutching around! Ugh!

I’ve started the Whole30. Booze was the issue first go around, I just couldn’t loose the booze. I did a few days on this elimination diet, but kept drinking. That’s a red flag if there ever was one. So now that I’m booze free, I thought it’s time to start the Whole30. It’s part of my wellness coaching journey and it’s to encourage my daughter who has Hoshimoto’s and is struggling with many awful symptoms-to give it a try. It can help by eliminating foods that are known to cause inflammation so a person can feel better, and eventually identify foods that cause issue in the body.

I felt so empowered by not drinking that I added this layer on top. Am I crazy? We’ll see.

Today’s strategy

I have pride in my self control from not drinking. When drinking I would feel like such a loser!

  • Get through the day despite my lack of motivation
  • Make my chicken, broccoli and potato dinner
  • More Game of Thrones
  • Bed