I tossed my crutches and feel free! Along with that I tossed my commitment to the Whole30 and not drinking. I lost my hold! It turns out my crutches were the crutch that kept me in line as a whole. Now, I didn’t get wasted and I didn’t eat my way out of a bag of chips or a box of donuts. I was awkwardly mindful of what I was doing. I had a couple drinks out and I was aware of that little demon that cries for more, more, more. I ate healthy with no restrictions and had ice cream! Not so bad.
What I observed was that I didn’t need to drink. It didn’t do anything for me except put me to sleep earlier than usual. I didn’t like the way it made me feel; a bit sleepy at first, then the need to keep on drinking, then wanting to eat junk food and then sleepy time. So, I am going abstain again- back to a 90 day goal to start.
The Whole30 was working well, but like I had said before I wasn’t being 100%. So I will start again in May and do with my daughter who has Hashimoto’s, which is my main goal of this Whole30 journey- to help her eliminate foods that might be causing issues with her autoimmune disease.
Now that I’m mobile again I have to get a new routine. Back to walking the dog each morning, doing housework, finding an exercise routine, getting out without alcohol and junk food being the focus. I almost miss being down, there was a purpose to it. What’s my purpose now? There so many options, so much I can do. I feel anxious and lost.
Another new beginning….